The struggle is back. Well, the struggle never stopped. It was just me. Bear with me as I learn how to write again.
The other night, I’m at the bar with a few dudes, and we run into a few women who know a few of my dudes. So, that turns into a group chill session with some pretty cool women-ladies.
I do my politic thing and make the rounds conversing with everyone, but my conversation continually gravitates toward one particular female. From our initial conversation about both being that annoying optimist, to having the same preference in sports drink flavors, we had a crazy amount of things in common.
Now, every woman I meet isn’t viewed as a potential date or girlfriend (should it be?), but I do look at the qualities in the ladies I meet and try to judge how I would like those characteristics in someone that I date.
This particular chica had me thinking about what I would prefer in a wifey, someone who shares a lot in common with me, or the anti-Landis.
Check out Joe Buddens’ take on dating yourself in female form (or something like that) and then continue reading after the jump.
My latest approach to finding a potential wife-piece is to go talk to women in places that center around characteristics that I like. I always say I’d like to meet a women in a book store, I talk to ladies at the gym, and I haven’t built up the confidence (or seen a attractive enough women) to talk to someone in yoga classes. But that is my approach to finding a girl that I think I can vibe with. I don’t think I’m going to find the one for me in church, a Justin Beiber concert, or even in a club.
With the aforementioned approach, it seems like I’ll find the type of woman from the other night. She was really fun while we were BSing about sports, music and “fireworks.” We even had a general philosophical discussion about our approach to finding jobs, but, it seems like that’s as far as it would go. I think I’d really enjoy hanging out with her again, but, from my “reading too much into too little” state of mind, it doesn’t seem like we’d make much of a duo in the long term.
I think that’s a good approach, but when I ponder what makes a successful, lasting relationship, it seems like differences are what makes your time together more exciting. If that’s the case, maybe I should find myself a close-minded, church-going, non-sports-playing, hip-hop-hating woman.
Or, perhaps I can go for a fashion-loving, celebrity gossip-following, pocket-dog carrying:
I’m pretty sure those composites aren’t really what I’m going for, but you get the point. If the couple has so much in common that you have no reasonable excuse to be away from the mate, you might end up going Latrell Sprewell on your partner.
What words of wisdom do you have on this topic? Have you been on both sides of this fence? Do you refuse to try one or the other? I’ve been single for a long time. Help me put a stop to that.
I say that you find someone when you aren’t looking for them. Every time I’ve ended up in relationship I haven’t expected it and I don’t know how to help someone when they’ve been looking. I say keep your options open and just have fun and see where things go. I tend to go a long time without being in a relationship because I like being single and I try not to go hunting for that special someone, they generally find me.
Comment by sarahnsh — July 6, 2010 @ 3:26 am |
In a word: balance… or door #3. Read on…
***Door (girl/guy) #1: You have everything in common and make an “instant connection” based on share interests, beliefs, etc. You jive to the same music, are passionate about the same sports/teams, etc. (Ie, girl you were talking up at the bar.)
Pros: You will always share common ground.
Cons: Common ground can get cramped. It’s difficult to find “alone time” in which you enjoy things that define your individuality if your sidekick is always there.
***Door #2: You have nothing in common. She’s interesting, you’re interesting, but your respective M.O.’s are centered around completely different hemispheres.
Pros: It can be refreshing to be around someone that you have to work to find a common ground with. You can introduce each other to new experiences and ideas.
Cons: Once you get past the novelty of “opposites attract,” you might find that with no common ground, there’s no “foundation” for the relationships to be built upon.
***Door #3: You have shared interests (both love horror flicks (yuck!), jazz radio, bowling), similar moral, religious and political views (or have a healthy respect/open mind for the other’s POV) and your end state goals are in line. On the flip side, you have a healthy amount of activities/interests for which you don’t share a common interest, but make you the individualistic person you are.
Pros: (If you’re interested) in the long run, it’s all about finding and maintaining balance. You want breathing room, and each of you having your own life apart from the other makes it possible. You also have a lot of shared interests, so you’ve found your hiking buddy and coffee date. And when it’s time to connect, you feel as comfortable with being open about your feelings as you do discussing/debating more lighthearted subjects, like how you take your eggs (sunny side up).
At the end of the day, if you’ve truly found balance in another, you’ll find your best friend and your lover in the same person.
…Hope this helps, Landis.
Comment by K — July 6, 2010 @ 1:09 pm |