W.W.J.D.?

This past Wednesday, on Students of the Game, an internet radio show hosted my myself and Michael O’Brien, we address Dr. Laura Slessinger’s use of the n-word. In this discussion, a guest, [we'll call] King Solomon, said he uses the n-word like most other black people, but he would not use it in front of Jesus.

Aside from being a funny statement, and a creative way to show where his moral lines are drawn, this statement got me to thinking about Jesus and the things that he might actually do. If you think about it, J.C. was a man of flesh and bone. And, like I addressed in my previous post, boys will be boys. So, just because his mother was a virgin, that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a regular dude like us.

Since the prevailing thought amongst pedants is that the man known as Yeshua was most likely of Semetic decent, I like to picture Jesus like a 6 ft. black man that…

…Uses the N-word

Jesus was a patient dude. But, sometimes, when your patience runs thin, the N-word is all you have to say to properly express your dismay. I picture Judas’ betrayal going something like this:

Judas: I don’t know you man… Go thaaaaat way.
Jesus: That’s how you feel, Judas? Ok. That’s strike one.

Judas: Real recognize real, Jesus. And right now, you’re looking real unfamiliar, Jesus. Where did Jesus go? Who are you, strange man?
Jesus: Really, Judas? For 30 silver coins? That’s what I mean to you? Don’t let it happen again.

Judas: ::Jadakiss-esque Mwuuuuaaaaahh!::
Jesus: N*gga……….. for real? After all, I’ve done for you? This is how you do me, n*gga? I see you. Pop, you see this ni*gga? I TOLD YOU he was a snitch.

…drinks

[Before people jump down my throat on some "Jesus would never sin!" stuff, it's not a sin to drink. The sin is when you become intoxicated, thus not fully being in control of your body.]

We can start with the obvious reference of Jesus turning water into wine. He was at a wedding and the spirits had run out (no pun intended?). So, Jesus, being the people-pleaser that he is, kept the party going by having the servants turn six jugs of water into the best tasting wine of the night. You can’t tell me that a man made some miraculous wine and didn’t test it out himself? N*gga, please.

Secondly, this man walked the desert for years and years (and years and years). You don’t think, when he was done, all he wanted to do was kick his sandals of and crack open a cold one?

…was a pimp.
Jesus was a man, right? And men have carnal urges. I don’t think Jesus was any different. I just think Jesus’ game was immaculate (you see what I did there?) He was probably on some ol’ Josh Harnett-ass, 40-Days-and-40-Nights-ass stuff.

Women love a mysterious man. How much more mysterious can a man get than decades of his life being undocumented by history? He was so nice, a woman had been bleeding for 12 years (do they even make products for that?), and all she had to do was touch his garment and the bleeding stopped. Now THAT is how you treat a woman.

Not only was Jesus nice with the mack, but he knows how to keep a secret. Like any other man scorned, when he was done with Mary Magdeline, he pulled that salty-guy move and said, “Man, that chick is a ho.” But, Jesus’ word goes a lot further than just her reputation. He had her whole place in history reversed and hidden. DAMN.

If that is not someone men strive to be like, who else is there?

I don’t intend on getting too much positive feedback on this post, but feel free to tell me how you feel in the comments section.

Have Fun.